The Judas Kiss – Metallica

Ever feel all alone, but realize that is of your own making?

When the world has turned its back
When the days have turned pitch black
When the fear abducts your tongue
When the fire’s dead and gone

So what now?
Where do I head?

When you think it’s all said and done
When you are the ostracized
Selfish written, dead goodbyes
Twisting of the tourniquet
When the pieces never fit

So what now?
Where do I head?

When you think it’s all said and done

Bow down
Sell your soul to me
I will set you free
Pacify your demons

Bow down
Surrender unto me
Submit infectiously
Sanctify your demons

Into abyss
You don’t exist
Cannot resist
The Judas kiss

When the storm has blacked your sky
Intuition crucify
When the ego strips your reign
Assassinate the living flame

So what now?
Where do I head?

When you think it’s all said and done
Venom of a life insane
Bites into your fragile veins
Internalize and decimate
Pitting it as complicate

So what now?
Where do I head?

When you think it’s all said and done

Bow down
Sell your soul to me
I will set you free
Pacify your demons

Bow down
Surrender unto me
Submit infectiously
Sanctify your demons

Into abyss
You don’t exist
Cannot resist
The Judas kiss

Judas lives recite this vow
I’ve become your new god now

Follow you from dawn of time
Whisper thoughts into your mind
Watched your towers hit the ground
Lured the children never found
Helped your kings abuse their crown

In the heart of evil man
Plant the seeds of my own plan
Strong and powerful will fall
Find a piece of me in all
Inside you all

So bow down
Sell your soul to me
I will set you free
Pacify your demons

Bow down
Surrender unto me
Submit infectiously
Sanctify your demons

Into abyss
You don’t exist
Cannot resist
The Judas kiss

Clarification

I really don’t mean to be negative.  My personality just doesn’t allow me to keep quiet.  I’m sure some would say that’s a fault.  Many, probably.

It’s just that you’re so back and forth, ya know?  One day it’s like “I’m going to do ___”.  The very next day, your opinion is exactly the opposite.  On the phone you tell me, “no, seriously, this is the way it’s going to be and I’m not going to change my mind on it!”  But then, the very next day…

You get the picture.

At first I let the back and forth tarnish the good opinion I had of you.  But after thinking about it a bit I realize you’re just very lonely, a bit confused, and wanting with all your heart to find “the one”.  Desperately.

And you know what?  That’s totally okay, girl.  It’s part of the human condition.  You’re artistically minded, and artistically minded people are often highly motivated by emotions.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  It’s a beautiful part of being a human.

So… I’ll try to keep my opinions out of it.  But you know what?  That’s very hard for me to do.  So perhaps the right course is to just keep away, and let you find your path.  I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do or not, but I’m thinking it probably is.

You’ve got plenty of voices whispering into your ear, trying to pull you one way or another.  You definitely don’t need this one.  Know what I mean?

And you should never allow any person to make you feel condemnation of any sort.  That includes me.

Random Musings, Once Again

Once again, I’m posting something other than lyrics.

In this information age it’s amazing the amount of information that can be dug up on a person using just their name or email address or both.

Simply amazing.

Like, for example, porn site memberships.  Legal problems.  Rants from others about him or her.  Comments they’ve made all over the internet.  Even people they are dating (especially useful if there is more than one at a time).

Unless you have nothing to hide, ya gotta keep your nose clean, cause ya never know what will come back to bite you in the butt.  It’s all out there for the world to see.  A person just needs to know how and where to look.

Random Musings. No Lyrics.

Why write where there are no readers?
Then again, are readers always necessary?
What purpose do they serve?
An ego stroke?
As if worth is obtained from the interest of others?

-*-

I’m tired, yet wish to write. To express. When living alone there is much time to pursue such endeavors. Time to contemplate. And in contemplation, to begin slipping into feelings of superior perspective. True? Likely not, but it sure feels that way.

-*-

I refuse to degrade myself by pursuing what has been given to others.

Will.
Not.
Happen.

Didn’t do it in Orlando. Won’t do it here.

If the vision is cloudy, I’ll watch to see if it clears.
From the sidelines.
Silent, except for my pen.
The pursuit might stroke the ego of some, but it’s not a game in which I intend to engage.
Would an NFL franchise agree to compete with Pop Warner? Of course not.

Drama is annoying enough in children. Magnified when adults indulge. Totally unnecessary. When something is black and white, reading it is easy.
“That’s black. That’s white. Done.”
When I am tempted to be drawn into such, I begin to feel immature. For this boy, drama went out of style in ‘92 when I graduated HS.

-*-

The Day That Never Comes – Metallica

Scroll down past the video, and my thoughts, for the lyrics. Please share your own thoughts in the comments area. I’d love to hear from you. You can remain anonymous.

The video just doesn’t fit the picture I get when I listen to this song.

What I see is this: the signs on the side of the road clearly indicate that the road is washed out ahead, but some insist on putting the pedal to the floor anyway. The definition of insanity, they say, is to do the same things over and over again, expecting different results.  To me, this song addresses all those who fit that definition.

Believe those lies. Some people feel they’re born to push others around. They’ll eventually blacken your eyes, in more than one sense.  I fear the truth will be realized, too late.  And at that time an “I told you so” just won’t be right, nor will it accomplish a thing.

Born to push you around
Better just stay down
You pull away
He hits the flesh
You hit the ground

Mouth so full of lies
Tend to black your eyes
Just keep them close
Keep praying
Just keep a-waiting

Waiting for the one
The day that never comes
When you stand up and feel the warmth
But the sunshine never comes, no
No, the sunshine never comes

Push you cross that line
Just stay down this time
Hiding yourself
Crawl in yourself
You’ll have your time

God I’ll make them pay
Take it back one day
I’ll end this day
I’ll splatter color on this grave

Waiting for the one
The day that never comes
When you stand up and feel the warmth
But the sunshine never comes

Love is a four letter word
And never spoken here
Love is a four letter word
Here in this prison

I suffer this no longer
I put it into
This I swear!
This I swear!
The sun will shine

This I swear!
This I swear!
This I swear!

The Blower’s Daughter – Damien Rice

Scroll down past the video, and my thoughts, for the lyrics. Please share your own thoughts in the comments area. I’d love to hear from you. You can remain anonymous.

This song saddens me and gives me chills every time I listen to it.  When I first saw the movie Closer I was happily with the second “love of my life”.  Back before the problems began.  Before the heartbreak.  It was as if Closer was  a foreshadowing of things to come.

Even then, during the happy time, the movie saddened me greatly. The actors did a damned good job of portraying what it is like to have your heart ripped from your chest and shredded into a million pieces.  The scene where the doc wants to hear every detail of his wife’s affair, and the reasons he finally gives for wanting to hear those details, is something I can identify with, ’cause I would have felt identical in the identical situation (scroll down below the lyrics and watch the clip I’m referring to – it’s 9 and a half minutes long but, damn, is it raw – and perfectly played).

When watching the movie that first time, I somehow knew it would be my turn in the not-too-distant future.  At the same time, I felt as if she was the “somebody new” that took my eyes off the first one.  Almost.

And, ah, Natalie Portman’s character… should I meet her in real life my heart wouldn’t stand a chance…

This song perfectly sums up the movie.  Damien Rice pours the emotion out…

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can’t take my eyes off of you
I can’t take my eyes off you
I can’t take my eyes off of you
I can’t take my eyes off you
I can’t take my eyes off you
I can’t take my eyes…

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We’ll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower’s daughter
The pupil in denial

I can’t take my eyes off of you
I can’t take my eyes off you
I can’t take my eyes off of you
I can’t take my eyes off you
I can’t take my eyes off you
I can’t take my eyes…

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can’t take my mind off of you
I can’t take my mind off you
I can’t take my mind off of you
I can’t take my mind off you
I can’t take my mind off you
I can’t take my mind…
My mind…my mind…
‘Til I find somebody new

Here’s the scene I mentioned, one of my favorites from the movie. Heartbreaking and very very raw.  Why must he know every detail?  I don’t know, but I can tell you that I would want to know, too.  I cannot express why. His reason is about right, and his reaction could just as easily have been my own.

Here’s a full trailer from the movie Closer:

Creep – Radiohead

Scroll down past the video, and my thoughts, for the lyrics. Please share your own thoughts in the comments area. I’d love to hear from you. You can remain anonymous.

This band is weird to me, but their lyrics are usually pretty deep, though sometimes just as weird as they are.  This song makes me think of girls who give off the attitude that they’re somehow better than the rest of us.  I can imagine showing interest in someone, only to have her think I was somehow “beneath” her.

I can tell you, that wouldn’t work with me, as in my mind I’m convinced there aren’t many who are worthy of ME. I’m very picky.  It’s rare that a girl will hold my interest past a few dates or a few deep conversations.  I’m a creep, just not in the way this song means.

When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so very special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I’m not around
You’re so very special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell I’m doing here?
I don’t belong here

She’s running out again
She’s running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You’re so very special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here

Paint Me a Birmingham – Tracy Lawrence

Scroll down past the video link, and my thoughts, for the lyrics. Please share your own thoughts in the comments area. I’d love to hear from you. You can remain anonymous.

I’d embed a video here, but Tracy’s label has disabled embedding. Click here and watch the song performed live, or just let it play in another window and follow along below while Tracy sings.

Tracy’s voice really makes this song. It expresses deep sadness, which is what this song reflects.

This song comes back to me time after time, always when reminiscing the past with one of the two women I’ve ever loved. What I find odd is that I can’t listen to this song without thinking of both of them. Both of their faces seem to fade in and out of my mind. When Tracy mentions the little house on the edge of town, I think of a small condo in a little town, a big house in the mountains where evenings were sometimes spent out on the netted porch, the “long house”, also in the mountains, where the nearest neighbor was a quarter mile away… all places I’ve lived with one of the two loves of my life.

I think it’s the second one that comes to mind most often, though, ’cause this song makes me think of a man being left, and it’s the second one who fits that bill. I can visualize exactly how her head would bob along. It was so damned cute how she did that every time she listened to music. She was so beautiful. So damned beautiful.

Heartbreaking regret.

He was sittin’ there, his brush in hand
Painting waves as they danced upon the sand.
With every stroke he brought to life
The deep blue of the ocean against the mornin’ sky.
I asked him if he only painted ocean scenes.
He said, “For twenty dollars, I’ll paint you anything.”

Could you Paint Me A Birmingham?
Make it look just the way I planned,
A little house on the edge of town,
Porch goin’ all the way around.
Put her there in the front yard swing,
Cotton dress make it early spring.
For awhile she’ll be mine again
If you could Paint Me A Birmingham.

He looked at me with knowing eyes
Then took a canvas from a bag there by his side.
Picked up a brush and said to me,
“Son just where in this picture would you like to be?”
I said, “If there’s any way you can,
Could you paint me back into her arms again?”

Could you paint Me A Birmingham?
Make it look just the way I planned.
A little house on the edge of town,
Porch goin’ all the way around.
Put her there in the front yard swing,
Cotton dress make it early spring.
For awhile she’ll be mine again
If you could Paint Me A Birmingham.

Paint Me A Birmingham.
Make it look just the way I planned,
A little house on the edge of town,
Porch goin’ all the way around.
Put her there in the front yard swing,
Cotton dress make it early spring.
For awhile she’ll be mine again
If you can Paint Me A Birmingham.

Same Mistake – James Blunt

Scroll down past the video, and my thoughts, for the lyrics. Please share your own thoughts in the comments area. I’d love to hear from you. You can remain anonymous.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything here, more than a year.  I’ve stayed away ’cause for some reason it just feels as if this blog leaves me incredibly vulnerable.  I can’t totally explain that.

Today I even changed the post author to reflect my real name, although you may not be able to see it depending on the template I decide to stay with.  Even so, search engines will know.  Will that decision come back to haunt me?

There’s this beautiful woman with whom I’ve been conversing for several months now, off and on.  She’s very brave and let me read some of her most intimate, darkest writings. Is she a romantic interest?  Oh no, she’s not.  We both have too much baggage to even consider such a thing.  Her heart is full.  My head is full.  I’m still the same “emotionally unavailable” man I was when my friend J9 labeled me as such quite awhile ago.

But if SHE can make herself vulnerable I decided to stop being a puss and just write what I feel I need to express…. right here, for nobody yet anybody.

This song could mean several things to me, depending on my mood and how the stars and planets align, I guess.  It can reflect loss.  It can be screaming at the top of my voice for another chance at having my family back.  It can reflect a fear of falling back into my old lifestyle, it can express the emotions that I may not be up to the challenges I face and that I may, in fact, simply be a liar and may always be a cheater, there are no promises I keep, after all.  It could be an expression addressing all of my regrets.

When I see my enemy he looks just like me.
Because he is me.
He is my “thorn in the flesh”.
ALL of my thorns.

It could mean all of these things, or none of them. But it’s been with me today, and for that reason I post it here.

And I am curious, dear reader, what do these lyrics mean for you?  Should you find this post and have the courage to tell me, by all means, please do…

So while I’m turning in my sheets
And once again I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street
Look at the stars beneath my feet
Remember rights that I did wrong
So here I go

Hello, hello

There is no place I cannot go
My mind is muddy but
My heart is heavy does it show
I lose the track that loses me
So here I go

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

And so I sent some men to fight
And one came back at dead of night
Said he’d seen my enemy
Said he looked just like me
So I set out to cut myself
And here I go

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

I’m not calling for a second chance
I’m screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice
Cause I’ll just make the same mistake again

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

And maybe someday we will face
And maybe talk but not just speak
Don’t buy the promises cause
There are no promises I keep
And my reflection troubles me
So here I go

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

I’m not calling for a second chance
I’m screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice
Cause I’ll just make the same mistake

I’m not calling for a second chance
I’m screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice
Cause I’ll just make the same mistake again

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

So while I’m turning in my sheets

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

And once again I cannot sleep

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

Walk out the door and up the street

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

Look at the stars

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

Look at the stars falling down

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

And I wonder where

Uhuh uhuh uhuh

Did I go wrong?

God of Wine – Third Eye Blind

Scroll down past the video, and my thoughts, for the lyrics. Please share your own thoughts in the comments area. I’d love to hear from you. You can remain anonymous.

I’m sipping wine and listening to this song right now. The buzz might have something to do with why I like it so much.

Every thought that I repent,
There’s another chip you haven’t spent.
And you’re cashing them all in.
Where do we begin
To get clean again?
Can we get clean again?

I walk home alone with you
And the mood you’re born into.
Sometimes you let me in,
And I take it on the chin.
I can’t get clean again.
I want to know,
Can we get clean again?

The God of Wine comes crashing through
The headlights of a car that took you farther
Than you thought you’d ever want to go.

We can’t get back again.
We can’t get back again.

She takes a drink and then she waits.
The alcohol it permeates.
And soon the cells give way
And cancels out the day.

I can’t keep it all together!
I know…I know…I know…I know…I know…I know…I know…
I can’t keep it all together.

And the siren’s song that is your madness
Holds a truth I can’t erase,
All alone on your face!

Every glamorous sunrise
Throws the planets out of line.
A star sign out of whack.
A fraudulent zodiac.

And the God of Wine is crouched down in my room.
You let me down,
(I said it)
Now I’m going down,
And you’re not even around.
And I said no…no…no…no…no…no…no…no…no…no…

I can’t keep it all together!

I know…I know…I know…I know…I know…I know…I know…
I can’t keep it all together.

And there’s a memory of a window.
Looking through
I see you
Searching for something
I could never give you.

And there’s someone who understands you
More than I do.

A sadness I can’t erase
All alone on your face.